Archives For July 2014


 

Odds are no one conversation change the course of someone who is stuck or in trouble, and yet any one conversation can.

I prefer short, easy to read books. You know – Non-Friction books.

Laziness is a spectator sport. Spec = Small. Tater = Potatoes.

A pencil with no erasure can be a good thing if I’m not mistaken.

I argue with myself constantly and I’m never quite sure who wins.

As for forgiveness, you can forgive. You can even forgive and forget. But never forgive, and forget you forgave.

 

One Liners by Dean Del Sesto. Copyright 2014

Dean Del Sesto


 

Ever go to an event to hear a speaker only to leave underwhelmed, feeling like it was the same old-same same-old, lacking authenticity and a clear passion for what the topic was about? Seems to be the norm these days.

Fact: Manufactured eloquence and practiced polish in public speaking is dying a slow death, as is data regurgitation and slick delivery. Whenever we speak, it’s wise to note that people aren’t necessarily moved nor do they get value solely by what we say or how well we say it. The value we create comes mostly through our way of being when we’re sharing. It’s about the posture of our hearts and how much we care for those before us, as well as our commitment to be authentic and connect with our audience that makes the difference. Anything else is a flesh-covered tape recorder. Truth is, no one needs another “going through the motions” speech.

Compelling speakers are those who stay grounded in what they are committed to cause in the hearts and minds of their audience. As a practice they care less about what the speaker evaluation sheet will soon reveal and are more concerned about changing lives. As such they’re willing to take risks and are more inclined to challenge us because they care more about our progress than our comfort. They rely less on performing and entertaining and are purposed to interrupt things that don’t work and present things that do. It seems obvious, but as they “invest” themselves in us, we “pay” closer attention to them. As for feel, great speakers provide the feel of a conversation or dialogue rather than a broadcast. They don’t talk at you, but with you. There’s something special about communicators who have a heart to serve us. Take Jimmy Fallon for example, who in my opinion is among the most endearing talk show hosts we’ve ever had on air. He values the audience he serves, he’s clear about what he’s committed to cause and knows who he will be in the process. As a result his gift is always present at every show whether he is spot on - or not.  Speak with an intention to serve others today and watch how they respond back to you. 


 

Unless you’re perfect, (too late) the need to apologize will be apparent and perpetual as life goes on. From broken commitments, unmet expectations, betrayals and hurtful words – down to slight oversights and the seemingly insignificant, we fall short. We are not perfect. The closest we’ll ever get to perfect is not found in the absence of breakdowns, but how we handle them when they occur. Truth be told, most people are somewhat gracious when it comes to our breakdowns. What is intolerable and adds insult to injury is NOT handling apologies with the care they deserve. Here are 5 points that will improve outcomes when giving an apology.

  1. First off, don’t just apologize or throw out an, “I’m sorry.” Genuinely ask for forgiveness. An apology is a one-way broadcast that can be done flippantly, even with malice and doesn’t give the other a chance to release the offense for a true clearing. Asking for forgiveness requires we step into the humility of an authentic appeal and is a two-way exchange where both parties participate in “real” reconciliation.
  2. Never make light of how you impacted the other person. A person’s experience of your breakdown is their experience, and it’s as real as it gets for them. Trivializing it is a one way-dead-end street and only adds fuel to the fire.
  3. Take an honest look at what the offense would be like if the shoe were on the other foot. Live there for a moment and you’ll see in short order that it would have been no fun to be on the other side of you in that moment. A little empathy goes a long way here.
  4. Curiosity is conflicts best friend. In fact, you can’t be angry and curious at the same time; it’s physiologically impossible. Without manipulating and with a caring heart, ask why your offense was so impactful, you may learn something. Once you understand the reasoning behind the other’s pain, it will easier to shift off future behaviors to avoid repetitive offenses.
  5. Lastly, check in shortly after the clearing and simply ask something along the lines of, “Are we good, do you have any residue?” This brings about any after-thoughts and ultimately drives a nail in the coffin of the offense so it doesn’t live and breathe again in the relationship.

 

An apology given with a sad excuse is a sad excuse for an apology. dds

The prison of ourselves can be set free by simply raising the bar in our commitments. dds

Many work hard for a living so they can be more comfortable while dying. dds

They say we are what we eat. Well I’ve eaten my words on more than a few thousand occasions and I’m a writer. They must be right. dds

Don’t scorn the pawn. The pawn exercised in the fullness of its purpose becomes whatever it wishes. dds

If you want to connect with people at a deeper level, eye contact = I contact. dds

Dean Del Sesto


 

Ever receive a referral from someone that goes nowhere fast; no call back – nothing but crickets? How about ones where you meet, but nothing lands as there’s no tangible need? What about ones that do land, but end in short order due to important realities not shared on the front end?  Pretty frustrating, not to mention a waste of time and energy.  Unfortunately, most people view a business referral as a name wave or a quick intro – “Hey Sarah, meet Bob, Bob does X and it would be good for you to meet. (I think?)

So when it comes to us connecting relationships, one thing we often forget is that we will lose a bit of personal brand equity and credibility every time we make a casual or flippant referral, because most of the time - they go nowhere.  It’s the lack of specificity about basic and obvious details for both parties and their situations that often wastes time, resources and causes relational strain.

Here are 5 questions to consider when giving a referral.

1. Have you identified the specific nature of your contacts requirements so you can properly share that need with the party you’re referring in?  Price, timing, importance, expectations, etc.

2. Has the referral source you’re providing been described to your contact with enough detail so your contact can decide if there’s a fit before the referral is made?  A little goes a long way here.

3. Do you absolutely know without question those who you are referring in are proven and will do a brilliant job?  Anything less is gambling.

4. Have you considered whether both parties will like each other and or work well together?  Personalities have a lot to do with whether referrals work out or not.

5. Have you told both parties that you value both relationships and you’d appreciate it if everyone were treated with courtesy, respect and professionalism? This makes a difference.

The quality of every referral is generally in direct proportion to the quality depth of the conversation we have in teeing them up. A name wave is not a referral. Reflect before you connect today?