Conflicts are internal. They reside in what already is, not in what just happened.
I would say nobody likes arguments, but there are some that do find it entertaining, and other’s that view it as sport and play to win regardless of who gets hurt. Let’s just call them the rare few whom we rarely invite to dinner. This ShiftPoint is for the rest of us common folk who view an argument like getting a traffic ticket… better to talk our way out of it – the faster the better. The truth is, arguments don’t exist outside of ourselves; meaning you could search the entire planet with a microscope and never find an argument. One could argue that, and I’d still be right, as arguments don’t exist on the earth… anywhere. They are however, alive and well in our hearts and minds, and are a great reveal of our insecurity, selfishness, unresolved anger, lingering bitterness or judgments. In short, most arguments are a symptom of our emotional dysfunctions where rather than choose to be rational and peaceful, we choose to be assaultive and destructive. But it should also be noted that arguments themselves aren’t bad and we should be grateful when they start, as they draw out hidden bitterness, resentments and other deficiencies we need to work on. Arguments are a clear revelation of what is really going on with us emotionally, and they draw out what is already there. The problem is that we don’t want to be wrong or wronged, so we go into defense mode and the argument begins, only to end when things change on the inside. A good goal for any person is to be free from an “internal argumentative spirit.” By staying in the mode of being a peace-maker instead of a peace-breaker, we push out harmful immaturities and usher in a calming presence and a caring heart; we become an instrument of healing in disagreement, not an instrument of destruction.
Get over winning arguments and you’ll win people over today.